156 Comments
User's avatar
Nelly Bryce's avatar

I think I've got one!!! I'm meant to be working, I've got so much to do and somehow here I am reading pantoums, being inspired to write pantoums and now commenting about pantoums. But I just wrote one, off the cuff, needs work but wanted to share while it was in my head... Also thanks to Zoe who gave me a line and a few of the pantoums today that have clearly jolted a memory that I was able to dig up a little.

Pantoum on rejection:

The sting it itches afterwards

Unknown reasons arrive one by one

Another buzz, now onto the, ‘should of’s’

I don’t know what it was I did wrong.

Potential options come one by one

What if I was never good enough anyway?

I don’t know what it was I did wrong

I can’t look desperate, I just won’t say.

The worst thing - I was never good enough anyway

I lick my wounds in private,

I’m not desperate, I just won’t say

Push the feelings down, learn to hide it.

Let me lick my wounds in private,

The bee that stings it will die all along

Tend to myself, not just hide it

Sometimes, you did nothing wrong.

Expand full comment
Angela Joy's avatar

Works so well Nelly!

Expand full comment
Ali Pember's avatar

This is great Nelly, and I like what the rhyme adds to the repetition. The bee coming back and the repetitive itch of rejection.

Expand full comment
Erin Stinson's avatar

You’ve got one! This is so effective, Nelly! Oof, the sting of rejection.

Expand full comment
Ellen Clayton's avatar

Oooh yes I love this, Nelly.. rejection! Gah! Such a big part of writing if you try and pursue traditional publishing in any form. And it sucks 😂

Expand full comment
Tamsin's avatar

Yep sometimes you did nothing wrong. Nicely done

Expand full comment
Nelly Bryce's avatar

“We platform and then punish” Yes we really do. Oh this is clever Ang! Had to read it twice and it revealed more each time (love it when that happens). What lovely pondering you’ve left me with drinking my coffee today. Thank you x

Expand full comment
Kathryn Anna Marshall's avatar

I haven't even begun my Pantoum - I've a few days away this weekend and I'm hoping to find time then! I do love it as a form though - there's something captivating about the subtle repetition.

Here's one of my favourites

Halcyon Kitchen

BY KIANDRA JIMENEZ

Granma cautioned in a kitchen off Century and Hoover:

Never throw your hair away. Burn it. Till yellow

cornbread bakes and greens release pot liquor,

her garnet-polished fingers unraveled each cornrow.

Never throw your hair away, burn it till yellow

flames flick up and turn orange, blue. Overhead,

her garnet-polished fingers unraveled each cornrow,

wrestling. I reminisce, standing over her deathbed.

Rain picks up and turns ocher, blue. Unsaid

were simple things. Oxtail stew and yam

recipes I recollect, standing over her deathbed.

She smoked Mores leaning in the kitchen doorjamb,

when simple things — oxtail stew and yam

recipes — were not measured nor written. Cooking while

she smoked Mores leaning in the kitchen doorjamb,

her left hand in the profound curve of her hip. She’d say, Chile,

ma recipes are not measured nor written. Cooking while

I sat alongside the stove waiting for the hot comb, meantime

her left hand in the profound curve of her hip, she’d say, Chile,

I may be dead and gone, but you mark my words. Sometimes

I sat alongside the stove waiting for the hot comb, meantime

I loved watching her smoking, cooking, talking with More fingers,

I may be dead and gone, but you’ll mark my words. This time,

she is quiet. I hold maroon-polished hands as her soul lifts, waits, lingers.

I loved watching her smoking, cooking, talking with More fingers.

Halcyon rain picks up, soaks me blue. Nothing unsaid.

She is quiet. I hold maroon-polished hands as her soul lifts, waits, lingers,

restful. I’m remembering — standing over her deathbed.

Source: Poetry (April 2018)

Expand full comment
Nelly Bryce's avatar

Oh what a share. Thank you x

Expand full comment
Ellen Clayton's avatar

Thank you so much for sharing this. It’s so vivid and colourful and beautiful ❤️

Expand full comment
Margaret Ann Silver's avatar

Wow. Gorgeous.

Expand full comment
Nancy Hanna's avatar

Beautiful

Expand full comment
Tamsin's avatar

Nice. *Nods head appreciatively with a soft smile on her face*

Expand full comment
Ali Pember's avatar

Thanks so much for sharing Kathryn. This poem is epic in its repetition. Would be even more powerful read out loud, I think.

Expand full comment
Lisa Andradez's avatar

This is my attempt of a pantoum and I edited an existing poem which I think worked OK. My next task is to try and write one from scratch..

This one came after a close friend had stabbed me in the back, so in some way it is a love letter to myself, and to anyone who has experienced the same kind of pain.

Pen-Knife Pantoum

Oh how gentle you are

Beloved one, with your sweet innocent soul

Your kind eyes and generous heart

You did not deserve to be treated that way

Beloved one, with your sweet and innocent soul

Compassion oozing from deep within, stretching across oceans

You did not deserve to be treated that way

You loved everyone, as if they were an extension of you

Compassion oozing from deep within, stretching across oceans

You did not deserve to be cut apart so cruelly and betrayed

You loved everyone as if they were an extension of you

While counterfeit friends pocket their offences like a penknife folded and ready

You did not deserve to be cut apart so cruelly and betrayed

Your kind eyes and generous heart

Counterfeit friends pocketing their offences like a penknife folded and ready

Oh how gentle you are

Expand full comment
Nelly Bryce's avatar

And the way it ends is perfect

Expand full comment
Nelly Bryce's avatar

Lisa I just can’t imagine this poem in any other form. Are you happy that it works better as a pantoum? It is such a powerful piece. I love how it turns around and around x

Expand full comment
Lisa Andradez's avatar

I think it works so much better as a pantoum, so really pleased I edited it 😊

Expand full comment
Ali Pember's avatar

This line really got me Lisa ‘Counterfeit friends pocketing their offences like a penknife folded and ready’ in contrast with all the other gentle language you use. It really is like a stab in the back landing in your poem. Brilliant.

Expand full comment
Lisa Andradez's avatar

Thank you :)

Expand full comment
Erin Stinson's avatar

Works so well as a pantoum. “While counterfeit friends pocket their offences like a penknife folded and ready’. Oof. What a beautiful love letter to yourself in the aftermath of this.

Expand full comment
Ellen Clayton's avatar

Lisa this is beautiful, and “you loved everyone, as if they were an extension of you” feels like my experience too ❤️ what a gorgeous poem, it works so well in this form too.

Expand full comment
Nancy Hanna's avatar

I love this, I also love how you refer to yourself as « beloved one » it is such a powerful choice to make and adds such weight. I would love to see it in its original form as well if you are up for sharing? ❤️🙏🏼

Expand full comment
Lisa Andradez's avatar

Thank you 😊

Expand full comment
Lisa Andradez's avatar

This is the original...

Oh beloved one

how gentle you are, your sweet innocent soul

kind eyes and generous heart

did not deserve to be treated that way

Oh beloved one

you deserved such love

compassion oozing from deep within

stretching across oceans and loving everyone

you encountered - as if they were an extension of you

You my beloved

did not deserve to be cut open

as a knife through butter, your heart scarred

your soul ripped apart by cruel words and devious actions

by counterfeit friends who pocket their sins like a knife folded and ready

Oh beloved one

your precious heart

will mend, it will not feel

this way forever, stay strong

and know, that you can never be like them

Expand full comment
Angela Joy's avatar

Beautiful, affirming, wholesome 🙏

Expand full comment
Tamsin's avatar

So I wrote a few. And after reading others peoples’ I decided to give you this one (others can be read on my Substack after 12:20.) It seems a few of us have the experience of losing friends and often I think we don’t really understand why. The autists amount us (me included) especially will ruminate on reasons why, repay the relationship and the end of it (which we rarely saw coming) over and over in our heads for decades like a pantoum on a loop. After loop. After loop. After loop.

So many years ago I thought I found a very special friend, she called me her soul mate but she wasn’t actually very nice in the end. And when I finally got over the immense hurt I got bitter. I realised I had been used, manipulated, and it hurt. I got very bitter. So this poem is a pice of prose I wrote quite a while back that I thought would fit the form quite well. I did two sections of the 4 verses using 8 lines, and added the first line again at the end after the second section of 4 verses. So it’s quite long and I guess Substack won’t format it properly but I’ll try. (I am quite a nice person really, don’t let this put you off me (unless you intend to cross me, then it’s a warning 😜😵‍💫😂😂😂))

The Sweetest Pill

Revenge is the sweetest pill to swallow.

It is not at all bitter but sweet with tainted desire and I suck hard at it.

They say that it will stick in your throat and choke you. They are wrong.

It is sweet and wonderful and I am ecstatic with it.

It is not at all bitter but sweet with tainted desire and I suck hard at it.

I enjoy my revenge. It is my love, my desire, my soul food.

It is sweet and wonderful and I am ecstatic with it.

I feed on it as a vampire does blood.

I enjoy my revenge. It is my love, my desire, my soul food.

It fills every corner of my twisted heart and soothes my tormented mind.

I feed on it as a vampire does blood.

I have no need for other sustenance; it satisfies me completely.

It fills every corner of my twisted heart and soothes my tormented mind.

They say that it will stick in your throat and choke you. They are wrong.

I have no need for other sustenance; it satisfies me completely.

Revenge is the sweetest pill to swallow.

I enjoy my revenge; I revel in the harm I cause.

As I have been pained now I cause pain.

You deserve every flesh-rending, mind bending, will breaking, hurt I give.

And I can give more.

As I have been pained now I cause pain.

I will mar your life with misfortune, mutilate your dreams and despoil your hopes.

And I can give more.

The wounds I inflict will be great, the damage immense.

I will mar your life with misfortune, mutilate your dreams and despoil your hopes.

Leaving you weakened and plagued, but most of all,

The wounds I inflict will be great, the damage immense.

Finally, when I am wholly satisfied, you will be sorry.

You deserve every flesh-rending, mind bending, will breaking, hurt I give.

Finally, when I am wholly satisfied, you will be sorry.

Leaving you weakened and plagued, but most of all,

I enjoy my revenge; I revel in the harm I cause.

Revenge is the sweetest pill to swallow.

Expand full comment
Nelly Bryce's avatar

Women’s rage and fury, not something we see often enough in my opinion 👏

Expand full comment
Tamsin's avatar

Yes. I always feel like I’m doing something wrong when I write about it. Years of societal indoctrination I feel. Us women are always told to be quiet, that our opinions don’t count etc. I’m going to try to not let my uncomfortableness with expressing it hold me back any more.

Nelly, this group came at the perfect time and it’s really helping me explore and accept myself again after a good few rough years due to my chronic illness changing so much.

Expand full comment
Ellen Clayton's avatar

Oh wow Tamsin, I love this visceral nature of this and it feels really powerful to me, a reclamation! Brilliant 👏🏻

Expand full comment
Tamsin's avatar

Thank you.

Expand full comment
Kathryn's avatar

Ooof that's powerful Tamsin

Expand full comment
Tamsin's avatar

Thank you

Expand full comment
Angela Joy's avatar

This is really powerful Tamsin. The depth of feeling and resolve is so effectively shown through this form.

Expand full comment
Tamsin's avatar

Thank you Ange

Expand full comment
Erin Stinson's avatar

Woah. You continue to teach me of the power of words, Tamsin.

Expand full comment
Tamsin's avatar

Thank you Erin, means a lot as I can’t seem to get them to play today.

Expand full comment
Ali Pember's avatar

Morning folks. I slept spectacularly badly so just going to post this and catch up on reading your poems later.

PANTOUM ON OPEN HEART SURGERY

My heart was stopped -

but it’s still beating

Metronome beat of the lucky waving cat

Raking in one more moment of life

That might not have been lived

Metronome beat of the lucky waving cat

Don’t you just want to stop sometime?

Imagine this moment might not have been lived

But life runs through you, relentless.

Don’t you just want to stop sometime?

You don’t cherish every second

But life runs through you, relentless.

Saying look here you fool, be grateful

You don’t cherish every second

Raking in one more moment of life

Saying look here you fool, be grateful

My heart was stopped -

but it’s still beating

Expand full comment
Nelly Bryce's avatar

The form works absolutely brilliantly with the content in this one Ali! Spot on x

Expand full comment
Ali Pember's avatar

Thanks Nelly. This is an example of something that would not have made it to the page without the form. I really appreciated your honesty about the challenge. Structure is a funny one isn’t it? Sometimes too constricting. Sometimes letting something emerge that otherwise wouldn’t have been said.

Expand full comment
Erin Stinson's avatar

Brilliant, Ali. The repeats are perfectly placed - whether intentional or happenstance, it’s just brilliant. (And if this is a literal experience you’ve had I hope your heart is thriving now!)

Expand full comment
Ali Pember's avatar

Erin, I'm sorry I think I missed your comment the first time around, but I've found it once more. I think the form created the poem somehow, so a mix of happy accident and structure. It was a literal experience and thankfully my heart beats on. Although it will never be 'normal' but what's normal, anyways?

Expand full comment
Jodie Duffy's avatar

I love this Ali, the form works so well for this. I really like the image of the lucky waving cat and the opening/closing lines are really powerful.

Expand full comment
Ali Pember's avatar

Thanks Jodie. I really enjoyed pulling the together with permission to repeat myself!

Expand full comment
Nancy Hanna's avatar

I adore this, truly truly. It is gorgeous. « Metronome beat of the lucky waving cat » such a playful and vivid image! I also love how you played with the form and ended with a couplet…swoon ❤️

Expand full comment
Ali Pember's avatar

Thanks so much Nancy. I have never encountered this form before and loved how it contained my thoughts and invited playfulness with the repetition. Thank you for such a great prompt.

Expand full comment
Angela Joy's avatar

‘Raking in one more moment of life’ 🤍

Expand full comment
Ali Pember's avatar

I'm sitting looking at my lucky waving cat just now. It started to run out of battery power a couple of weeks ago and the arm became very sluggish. I've slowed right down the last couple of weeks since I put new batteries in. Hmmm, there's another poem in that somewhere!

Expand full comment
Tamsin's avatar

Beautiful Ali. I love the heart’s tenacity in this.

Expand full comment
Ali Pember's avatar

Exactly Tamsin! It has been battered about but it still persists.

Expand full comment
Lisa Andradez's avatar

Love this, beautiful

Expand full comment
Ali Pember's avatar

Thanks Lisa ❤️

Expand full comment
Ellen Clayton's avatar

Ali this is stunning, it works so well with the content 👏🏻🤩 my lovely dad had a triple heart bypass almost exactly 4 years ago and he’s healthy as an ox now so feels poignant to me ❤️

Expand full comment
Ali Pember's avatar

Thanks Ellen and all good wishes to your dad. Great to hear that he is well after his op. I had open heart surgery for congenital heart problems I didn’t know I had about 8 years ago. Also doing ok but it’s been a bit up and down. The prompt this week unlocked something about it all long since buried!

Expand full comment
Ellen Clayton's avatar

I didn’t want to assume that it was your own experience but I’m so glad you’re doing ok. What a beautiful way to explore what must have been a traumatic time ❤️

Expand full comment
User's avatar
Comment deleted
Mar 22, 2024
Comment deleted
Expand full comment
Ali Pember's avatar

Thanks Zoe ( if you mean me, I think you do but goodness knows comments get jumbled up on my phone!) I am sat here with a coffee and am going to try and have a nap later! Thank goodness it’s the weekend soon ❤️

Expand full comment
Ellen Clayton's avatar

Sorry but I think this is going to be another epic from me, I really need to work on being succinct!! 🙈

Always love reading your thoughts Nelly and the poems you share ❤️ I am the same, rarely try different forms or styles so I think it’s really important to get out my comfort zone occasionally!

So, whenever I’ve written pantoums before I always just used 3 stanzas - that’s the first style I saw so I thought that was the norm! Maybe that’s an easier way to try it for anybody who couldn’t get it to work so far??

I did try to write this week’s as 4 stanzas, but I found it worked better in 3 so that’s how I’m posting it! I revisited one I had attempted to write a few weeks back for the home town prompt, about being a teenager in a village (which I absolutely detested, but now have a modicum of nostalgia for, mainly because three of my best friends, who have all remained my best friends since, lived in the same village!) and decided to put that into this format. I don’t think it works brilliantly, I had to change the lines quite significantly for it to make sense, but hey it was fun!

Villagers

Being a teenager in a village is stifling —

a hotbed of lack: transport, shops, fun.

But, there was abundance right under my nose

as that village held my dearest friends.

Because it turns out being in a hotbed of lack is fun

when you walk 5 minutes down the road

and find your dearest friends, in single bedrooms,

drinking litres of wine and giggling as teenage girls do.

Walking 5 minutes round the corner,

I found abundance right under my nose

as we drank litres of wine and giggled as teenage girls do.

Being in a village can be stifling: but not with you.

***

If you’ll let me be self indulgent and share an older pantoum, I wrote one a few years ago about my daughter’s birth - when after a physically and emotionally draining, anxious pandemic pregnancy I finally got the water birth I’d always hoped for (third time lucky!!). I think the content of this one works well in pantoum form so I hope you don’t mind me sharing it as one I’m quite proud of!

Daughter

Darling, your arrival earthside was calm;

you were born in the water —

a gentle transition into my arms:

our much longed for daughter.

You were born in the water:

a birth to heal my pregnancy woe.

Our much longed for daughter,

placed on my chest and I finally glow.

A birth to heal my pregnancy woe,

a gentle transition into my arms —

placed on my chest and I finally glow.

Darling, your arrival earthside was calm.

Expand full comment
Nelly Bryce's avatar

Don’t you ever be apologising for giving us two delightful poems!!! I can see exactly why you’re proud of it. Succinct, tender, beautiful. And actually the two together have helped me today. Show how the form can be simple and also stretched. Mmm. Thank you x

Expand full comment
Ellen Clayton's avatar

Ahhh thank you Nelly 🥹😍 love how welcoming and warm and supportive this space you’ve made is xx

Expand full comment
Kathryn's avatar

Another pandemic mum here, it was tough ay, but your poem is beautiful, very touching. I feel it deeply x

Expand full comment
Erin Stinson's avatar

*raises my glass to verbosity* Thank you for sharing it all, Ellen!

Expand full comment
Ellen Clayton's avatar

Ha, yes, let’s celebrate verbosity 🙌🏻😍 thank you, Erin!

Expand full comment
Nancy Hanna's avatar

These are both wonderful in their own ways, and both speak to abundance! I’m also had a pandemic birth and can feel the joy of that bright spot of hope during that time. Thank you for sharing! ❤️

Expand full comment
Ellen Clayton's avatar

Thank you so much Nancy, and thanks for the prompt - I’ve loved reading everyone else’s pantoums! Ahh yes it was such a bright, beautiful spot after a really turbulent time ❤️

Expand full comment
Angela Joy's avatar

‘there was abundance right under my nose

as that village held my dearest friends.’ 🤍

Expand full comment
Ali Pember's avatar

Loved both of these in different ways Ellen. First being stuck in a village which reminds me of growing up in a provincial town but having my best friend still from school. I also fret that I’m bringing my daughter up in the middle of the countryside so this brought great comfort.

Then the beautiful simplicity of your birth story. I used to support birthing couples locally and had to stop face to face work in the pandemic. I always wondered about them. There was only so much I could do online. So your poem is healing to my experience of that time too.

Expand full comment
Ellen Clayton's avatar

Ahh thank you for this gorgeous comment Ali ❤️ I’m sure there will be plenty of magic about growing up in the countryside 🌳🌸

Expand full comment
Tamsin's avatar

Don’t be concise, please don’t. I love hearing it all. So much connection. I want it ALL. (Oo, Queen song alert)

Love them both. And glad you got the birth you wanted, only a little jealous. 😜 (all 3 hospital births as Ive dodgy blood and a high risk of haemorrhaging - when I wanted home births)

Expand full comment
Ellen Clayton's avatar

Ahhh thank you Tamsin, I’m always conscious of talking too much after being told that my whole life so that’s very reassuring and kind of you! 😭❤️

Ah that’s tough, birth is unfortunately so often not what we hope. I actually did have 3 hospital births still, but each one got progressively better! So my daughter was born in the midwife birthing suite - which in our town is just a different floor of the hospital! But it was a gorgeous room and meant she was born in the pool, when I showed a picture of it to my brother and sister in law they said it looked like a spa room 😂❤️

Expand full comment
Tamsin's avatar

I too have been told I talk to much, mostly by men. And for a long time I stopped. As part of my accepting my autistic self, I have decided I will unmask by taking when I want (where possible) and rambling on in my own special inimitable way. I’d love for you to ramble along with me.

All three of mine were sterile affairs. White rooms with too much light. Too much monitoring (though most was necessary) With my first, I got in the bath whilst they began to fill the pool and I promptly began throwing up. I really didn’t like it. No water births for me. And they were all too fast to take much in really. Last was an hour from first contraction to placenta out.

Expand full comment
Lisa Andradez's avatar

Both of these are fabulous, love them

Expand full comment
User's avatar
Comment deleted
Mar 22, 2024
Comment deleted
Expand full comment
Ellen Clayton's avatar

Ahh thanks Zoe. God, pandemic pregnancies were tough 😭❤️ my daughter is about to turn 3 and I can’t believe it really. She was born just as we were coming out of the lockdowns in 2021 and her birth was such a bright spot in so many ways. Especially as I’d been so worried about having to birth alone if my husband caught covid etc!

Expand full comment
Angela Joy's avatar

Oooh this was an interesting one. I flirted with a few and sort of finished this one…

S T O R I E S I N T H E M I D D L E

I want to hear stories that aren’t finished. People muddling along, living messily meaningful lives in ordinary ways.

Neat endings alienate me. They push me away into some ‘other’ category of perceived failure where constant striving to ‘make it’ is unspoken but firmly felt.

We platform and in the next breath punish influencers and celebrities. They’re gods or they’re monsters, for our entertainment.

Absolutes. Clean cut finishes. Role models distant, untouchable.

Neat endings alienate me. They push me away into some ‘other’ category of perceived failure where constant striving to ‘make it’ is unspoken but firmly felt.

‘I changed my life around in 10 steps, here’s how you can too…’

Absolutes. Clean cut finishes. Role models distant, untouchable.

The ‘overcoming adversity’ narrative is the one that’s allowed to be published. The one that’s meant to inspire.

‘I changed my life around in 10 steps, here’s how you can too…’

Certainty feels like a growth-less place. I am often meandering in the muddy middle. I’m akin to the people who share that they are too.

The ‘overcoming adversity’ narrative is the one that’s allowed to be published. The one that’s meant to inspire.

But who are the people in your life who have influenced you the most for good?

Certainty feels like a growth-less place. I am often meandering in the muddy middle. I’m akin to the people who share that they are too.

We platform and in the next breath punish influencers and celebrities. They’re gods or they’re monsters for our entertainment. Ends neatly tied.

But who are the people in your life who have influenced you the most for good?

I want to hear stories that aren’t finished. People muddling along, living messily meaningful lives in ordinary ways.

Expand full comment
Kathryn Anna Marshall's avatar

The repetition works so wel- a really good example of form supporting content. Love the concept and how you've expressed it. It's quite unnerving (as it should be I think?)l

Expand full comment
Erin Stinson's avatar

“living messily meaningful lives in ordinary ways

neat endings alienate me”. Yessssss. This all resonates, Ange. Fantastic pantoum.

Expand full comment
Angela Joy's avatar

Thank Erin 🥰

Expand full comment
Jodie Duffy's avatar

Yes! This is great, love the concept. ‘Certainty feels like a growth-less place’ and ‘living messily meaningful lives in ordinary ways’

Expand full comment
Angela Joy's avatar

Thank you Jodie 🥰

Expand full comment
Nancy Hanna's avatar

‘I changed my life around in 10 steps, here’s how you can too…’ I absolutely love this line and the repetition ❤️

Expand full comment
Angela Joy's avatar

Yes, those ‘I did this, here’s how you can too’ have such a strong stench of empire/colonisation about them don’t they. Thanks for reading 🙏

Expand full comment
Mamie White's avatar

This subject of unfinished story is something #draw down the moon have been chatting about. It’s good to hear others battle stories from the trenches. It helps to spread courage

Expand full comment
Angela Joy's avatar

Yes, so true about courage spreading 👌 What is drawn down the moon? Interested to know more. Thank you 🙏

Expand full comment
Mamie White's avatar

Oopps got the name wrong #drawing down the moon is another Substack, I don’t know how to do the # tag thing. Any advice welcome.😊

Expand full comment
Angela Joy's avatar

Haven’t got my head around Substack hashtag use too! Thanks for the Substack publication mention - I’ll take a look 👍

Expand full comment
Tamsin's avatar

I want to hear unfinished stories, to see the failures as well as the successes. I want real life not a curated feed. Beautiful. It works so well.

Expand full comment
Angela Joy's avatar

Real life is so humanising 🤍

Expand full comment
Ali Pember's avatar

Ange this is great because the form of your poem reminds me of scrolling a feed on my phone (in a good way though). I love how meandering in the muddy middle (my life) butts up against all the certainty and 10 steps to overcoming adversity stuff. Which I LOATHE with a passion that says I’m not so middling, after all! 🔥

Expand full comment
Angela Joy's avatar

Ah that’s a lovely way of putting it Ali x

Expand full comment
Lisa Andradez's avatar

This is brilliant!!

Expand full comment
Kathryn's avatar

Ooo this is sort of haunting, isn't it? Gave me shivers. Well done, works so well

Expand full comment
Ellen Clayton's avatar

This is so clever Ange, the content works perfectly with this form. It’s given me lots to ponder this Friday morning, thank you ❤️

Expand full comment
User's avatar
Comment deleted
Mar 22, 2024
Comment deleted
Expand full comment
Kathryn Anna Marshall's avatar

That third sentence is the start of a poem Zoe!

Expand full comment
Angela Joy's avatar

Oooh I love ‘the important cracks’

Expand full comment
Jodie Duffy's avatar

I enjoyed experimenting with this form, it’s an interesting process.

Waiting, waiting

and tomorrow we do it all again

I check my inbox, check my phone

it’s coming but we don’t know when

I live in the shadow of the unknown

I check my inbox, check my phone

these are the days without end

I live in the shadow of the unknown

certainty has been delayed again

these are the days without end

will my time ever be my own?

certainty has been delayed again

all these empty hours are on loan

will my time ever be my own?

it’s coming but we don’t know when

all these empty hours are on loan

and tomorrow we do it all again

Expand full comment
Angela Joy's avatar

This works so well Jodie!

‘will my time ever be my own?’👌

Lovely to read your words here x

Expand full comment
Erin Stinson's avatar

“will my time ever be my own?” - I felt this, Jodie. The pantoum form was so effective!

Expand full comment
Ellen Clayton's avatar

Ooh I love this Jodie, the ambiguity makes it really interesting too - so many things it could be about, different situations we face in our lives. The rhyme works so well too 👏🏻

Expand full comment
Evamaria Kulovits's avatar

hello dears!

wow so many beautiful poems, i will read them one by one after the weekend (have a poetry living room session tonight with some friends)!

I did write a pantoum (what a word!) for spring, not sure yet whether i like it but that is besides the point, isn't it? ;)

here we go ...

PANTOUM FOR NEW BEGINNINGS

look mum! another cherry blossom tree

my daughter’s eyes pierce up

into the morning sky, fourty two springs have sprung from thee

so many second chances – generously poured into this heart

my daughter’s eyes pierce up

her questions sharp like april sun

how many chances for a second heart?

i forgot – the sound of a thousand names trembling in my throat

her questions sharp like april sun

answers that steer a path, neither right or wrong, just: forward

i forgot the sound of a thousand names, still trembling

what is your name but the taste of salt, iron and honeydew

answers that steer a path, neither right or wrong, just: forward

into the morning sky, fourty two springs have sprung from thee

what is my name but the taste of salt, iron and honeyd-

look mum! another cherry blossom tree

Expand full comment
Nelly Bryce's avatar

Oh would you look at this 🌸❤️

Expand full comment
Ellen Clayton's avatar

Oh this is stunning 🌸 thank you for sharing it with us! 😍

Expand full comment
Ali Pember's avatar

I love the words and form dancing together here like the blossoms on the tree. Beautiful.

Expand full comment
Erin Stinson's avatar

“into the morning sky, fourty two springs have sprung from thee”

Exquisite, Evamaria.

Expand full comment
Angela Joy's avatar

‘Her questions sharp like the April sun.’ Gorgeous ☀️

Expand full comment
Jodie Duffy's avatar

This is beautiful 🌸😍

Expand full comment
Kathryn's avatar

Loved reading all your poems this morning...they're making me late for the school run! Self note...stop reading poetry when you've places to be! Anyway, here's my attempt. I really enjoyed the process of writing this. It started out as sort of one poem, but I didn't like how it ended, so I wrote a response to it, to follow directly on.

You're just a girl

They said

Don't climb trees

Cross your legs

They said

That's unladylike

Cross your legs

Dream small, if you must dream at all

That's unladylike

Lofty ambitions

Dream small, if you must dream at all

Glass ceilings are not for breaking

Lofty ambitions

Don't climb trees

Glass ceilings are not for breaking

You're just a girl

I'm a girl

I said

I'll climb and keep climbing

Seek space and take what's mine

I said

I'll show you

Seek space and take what's mine

Dream so big it surpasses reality

I'll show you

An empowered girl

Dream so big it surpasses reality

Remind, reclaim, redefine

An empowered girl

I'll climb and keep climbing

Remind, reclaim, redefine

I'm a girl

Expand full comment
Angela Joy's avatar

Ha so true about the school run on Fridays! Life really gets in the way of basking in the Friday Poetry Pal reading loveliness doesn’t it!!

Loved how you wrote a second poem as a response. Works brilliantly.

Remind, reclaim, redefine 👌

Expand full comment
Kathryn's avatar

Haha I know, I want to pause life to read all the poetry!

Thanks Ange!

Expand full comment
Ali Pember's avatar

This is so good with the switch half way through Kathryn. Unexpected and powerful. Reads like a mantra ‘dream so big it surpasses reality’ 👏

Expand full comment
Nancy Hanna's avatar

I agree!

Expand full comment
Kathryn's avatar

Thanks Ali. I struggled so much with that line and getting it to say what I wanted. So I'm really pleased it worked for you

Expand full comment
Erin Stinson's avatar

YES! The repetition in the first half felt like that intrusive voice trying to keep us inline. And then, freedom! Rebellion! Reclamation! Yes!! Now I feel empowered, Kathryn!

Expand full comment
Kathryn's avatar

Oh Erin, thank you so much. That means a lot. So pleased it felt empowering, that was the aim of the second half, so I'm really pleased you felt that way x

Expand full comment
Jodie Duffy's avatar

This is great! I love how it switches in the response in the second half.

I always want to read all the poems on Friday morning but life gets in the way!

Expand full comment
Kathryn's avatar

Thanks Jodie x

Expand full comment
Ellen Clayton's avatar

This is fantastic 🙌🏻😍 absolutely love the contrast, it works perfectly!

Expand full comment
Kathryn's avatar

Thanks Ellen 😊 x

Expand full comment
Nancy Hanna's avatar

This is wonderful and I would like to read it to my daughter!

Expand full comment
Kathryn's avatar

Thank you Nancy. Oh please do. There's hope for the rest generation to do things differently ay

Expand full comment
Tamsin's avatar

I like this, I think we’ve all been there ‘you’re just a girl’ so infuriating.

Expand full comment
Kathryn's avatar

Isn't it! Grrr

Expand full comment
User's avatar
Comment deleted
Mar 23, 2024
Comment deleted
Expand full comment
Kathryn's avatar

Oh, that's amazing, yes please do share it, I would be honoured. I absolutely love knowing my poetry is out in the world and being enjoyed. If it can inspire even better! I'm really touched you like it enough to share 🥲

Expand full comment
Kathryn Anna Marshall's avatar

Great pantoums! And I just love "Darling your arrival earthside was calm" it's a magical phrase.

Expand full comment
Nancy Hanna's avatar

« They say that it will stick in your throat and choke you. They are wrong. » Tamsin I really enjoyed your work, there is nothing I love more than an honest ugly emotion in poetry, I love it ❤️ (and I won’t be crossing you anytime soon)

Expand full comment
Tamsin's avatar

Thank you. You,made me laugh too, thank you for not planning to cross me 😜

Expand full comment
Tree Langdon's avatar

I'm struggling with this. Like you, I confess I'm in a bit of a poetry rut. But I'll persist and perhaps I will have a Pantoum to share soon.

Expand full comment
Nelly Bryce's avatar

Thank you for saying so, poems and non poems all welcome here xx (and I certainly feel in company now)

Expand full comment
Erin Stinson's avatar

What a week! Thank you Nancy Hanna for the prompt and challenge! I love this (also new to me) form of a pantoum but found myself wrestling with trying to figure out the order before I had barely written anything down. I’ve also been working on some separate musings on spring and realized that this is the theme I needed to settle into. So I abandoned the first idea and worked on writing a two stanza, 8-line poem before I even considered if it’d work as a pantoum. Here’s the full post that I included it in, if anyone’s interested. And even though I’ve already “published” it, I’m open to thoughts and critique. https://erinstinson.substack.com/p/lingering-on-purpose

_____

A pantoum for lingering in early spring

.

don’t rush, not yet

an invitation descending on vernal snowflakes

I catch the whisper with my tongue extended

it is sweeter than I expected

.

an invitation descending on vernal snowflakes

the space between what I thought I wanted

it is sweeter than I expected

and what I truly need

.

the space between what I thought I wanted

and what I truly need

the earth and me in due season

made ready in the lingering with time

.

the earth and me in due season

I catch the whisper with my tongue extended

made ready in the lingering with time

don’t rush, not yet.

Expand full comment
Ellen Clayton's avatar

This is so beautiful, I agree that it works really well in this form - lingering and savouring the beauty and hope of early spring! 😍

Expand full comment
Erin Stinson's avatar

Thank you, Ellen!

Expand full comment
Jodie Duffy's avatar

This is beautiful. The form works really well as an invitation to linger and not rush.

Expand full comment
Erin Stinson's avatar

Thank you, Jodie!

Expand full comment
Angela Joy's avatar

Erin this is beautiful! The lingering, the savouring, the invitation to pause. Works so well in this form. I especially love:

‘the space between what I thought I wanted

it is sweeter than I expected

and what I truly need’ 💛

Expand full comment
Erin Stinson's avatar

Thank you, Ange! It ended up being rather delightful to watch how the pantoum order unfolded.

Expand full comment
Tamsin's avatar

I love those two examples. And I thought I was done with experimenting with pantoum but they make me want to be better. I was a bit strict with my writing and approached it almost scientifically. And I wrote 4 with varying degrees of success. Starting with just repeating the lines very strictly in order, then changing it up more and more as I experimented. My piece with all 4 will be published on my Substack at 12:20 (the twenty cos I couldn’t be bother to scroll the little wheel back to 00 😂) . I’m still wondering which one to give you here.

Expand full comment