Poetry (pen) Pals #10

Have you ever written a pantoum?

Photo by Debby Ledet on Unsplash

Do you ever get it when you read a poem and it really sticks with you but then you can’t find it again? Well this happened to me with a poem written by our guest this week. It was back in January and I was searching for some writing that wasn’t, ‘New Year, New You’ pithiness when I came across this poem by

Nancy Hanna

and thought, oh wow. And then it was gone again. Much to my frustration.

But then weeks later I randomly stumbled across Nancy’s poetry Substack and there it was. Along with other delicious poetry (and Nancy herself - who I promptly asked to come and do a guest post).

And what a poem and a prompt! We are being asked to experiment with form this week my friends, eeeek, hold tight.

Over to Nancy…

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I struggle with form, but form fascinates me. I like the repetition and the restriction, I like to wrestle with it. The poem I have chosen is a pantoum, a malay form of poetry with repeated lines and echoes, each line is repeated but in varying order so that new contrasts and tensions are revealed. I was introduced to the form through this wonderful poem by Kay Ulanday Barrett on Padraig O'Tuama's podcast Poetry Unbound.

Pantoum for recital when my mom said, don't let them see you cry

By Kay Ulanday Barrett

as a child, I was dressed as a bumblebee, buzzing—
on stage, moved to music, the only brown child
at the entire recital, there I was, glowing.
I was taught to be a consummate performer!

on stage, moved to music, the only brown child
still, I knew all the steps, harmonized my muscles,
I was taught to be a consummate performer.
once, I was shoved into the orchestra pit.

still, I knew all the steps, harmonized my muscles.
there, my stinger broken, determined, I crawled out of the hole.
once, I was shoved into the orchestra pit,
all the white girls seemed to laugh with the crescendo.

there, my stinger broken, determined, I crawled out of the hole
at the entire recital, there I was, glowing.
all the white girls seemed to laugh with the crescendo!
as a child, I was dressed as a bumblebee, buzzing - 

The basic structure is as follows:

Line 1
Line 2
Line 3
Line 4

Line 2
Line 5
Line 4
Line 6

Line 5
Line 7
Line 6
Line 8

Line 7
Line 3
Line 8
Line 1

What really intrigues me is how the juxtaposition of one line against a different one can add weight and meaning. Form can also be a wonderful container to experiment with, here is a pantoum I'm writing (still in a very rough draft stage) that I am playing around with. I've kept to the classical ordering of lines but instead of keeping each word the same I've changed some and tried to keep a thread of commonality and repetition between them.

Pantoum for Women Who Look Happy

my eyes, my eyes whisper yes, there is something better, in her 

my eyes, they find her, in supermarket aisles and playgrounds

they weep for my daughter, before she can walk, 

when I sleep in a single bed, again

my eyes, they find her, in supermarket aisles and playgrounds 

and I am scared of myself when

Weeping I wake, in a single bed again

nazar, evil eye

I am scared for myself when

my eyes, they see happy women 

nazar

it starts in my eyes again

a left finger ring on a manicured hand

my eyes, they weep for my daughter, before she can talk, when

it starts in my eyes and worms its way down, and again

my eyes whisper yes, there is something better, in her 

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Your writing prompt for this week:

Write 8 lines and either follow the strict form or even better play around with ordering, teasing out any tension or milking repetitions that work. Try to have the last line repeat the first...or don't! Don't worry about each line being exactly worded the same but try to have them speak to each other. I'm looking forward to seeing what you write. 

On a side note, I used to be very fixated on getting thoughts and drafts out on paper and pen before I type them out. While I do believe that there is some kind of unconscious magic that happens in this way, lately some of my best work has been coming from fragments I type out on the note app on my phone, sometimes things come to you when there is no pen and paper. If you have fragments or pieces anywhere that you'd like to develop, use them as the lines for your pantoum and explore from there.

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Nancy Hanna

is an Egyptian-Canadian poet living in Toronto. Her work has been in Last Leaves Magazine, and featured in Maya C. Popa's Poetry Today newsletter. You can find more of her work at Dreaming in Poetry on Substack.

I’ve never written a pantoum before (has anyone else?) but after reading these stunning examples I am totally up for giving it a try. Thank you so much Nancy.

Here’s to a week of counting our lines…

Nelly x