Hello my fellow poetry lovers,
This week I thought we could head towards friendship as a poetry theme. Friendship is something I write about a fair bit. In fact, when I looked I have fourteen poems I’ve written on friendship saved on my computer. Some repeatedly try (often failing, ha) to capture the depth of love in this type of relationship. Others move towards friendships that have broken down, friendships that have changed or moved on and friendships that I miss for varying reasons. It is such a fascinating topic, one that I gravitate towards not just with poetry.
I imagine that there are no where near as many poems on friendship as there are on other forms of love, romantic love surely being the best represented? And yet the complexity in these relationships begs for exploration, brims with truths of our human experience.
The poetry of friendship What is there to be said about this love that hasn’t been written before? By scholars and authors, unrequited and forbidden, tender, purer than blood, brighter and softer than the morning light. Tell me why these words don’t matter, aren’t as well spoken. These words that ride the waves of seasons and workings and homes and cities and births and deaths and decades. Tell me why we don’t whisper them into the night, I love you, I love you, I love you.
We spoke about this briefly at our last live poetry event. Completely unplanned, friendship became a discussion point with many of the poems that were shared. We started off with this stunning poem, Soup Sister by Rebecca Perry, chosen by
:REBECCA PERRY Soup Sister And, of course, it bothers me greatly that I can't know the quality of the light where you are. How your each day pans out, how the breeze lifts the dry leaves from the street or how the street pulls away from the rain. Last week I passed a tree that was exactly you in tree form, with a kind look and sub-branches like your delicate wrists. Six years ago we were lying in a dark front room on perpendicular sofas, so hungover that our skin hurt to touch. How did we always manage to be heartbroken at the same time? I could chop, de-seed and roast a butternut squash for dinner in the time it took you to shower. Steam curtained the windows, whiting out the rain, which hit the house sideways. One of us, though I forget who, said do you think women are treated like bowls waiting to be filled with soup? And the other one said, of course. Now the world is too big, and it's sinking and rising and stretching out its back bones. The rivers are too wild, the mountains are so so old and it's all laid out arrogantly between us. My friend, how long do you stand staring at the socks in your drawer lined up neat as buns in a bakery, losing track of time and your place in the world, in the (custardy light of a) morning?
Isn’t it wonderful?
We talked about how in some instances the fallout from a friendship can feel equally as difficult as that of a romantic relationship. That the emotions caught up in friendships can be equally as powerful. Most of us seem to have an example of this, to some degree or other. Whether that be that short-lived summer friendship, gone almost before it arrived but leaving an indelible mark on your memory (my son still speaks of a boy he met in France four years ago, I’m not sure they spoke the same language and he’s never quite been able to articulate what it was about their friendship that touched him, but he remembers the tiniest details of their time together - the way he celebrated a goal, the colour of his crocs). Or a more permanent friendship that led to heartbreak.
Even in writing this post I have found the memories swirling and the questions stacking up. Friends I haven’t thought about for years are suddenly reappearing, now only pencil sketched in my mind. I’ve written a few notes about the friendships I found with animals as a child. I’ve wondered about when an acquaintance becomes a ‘friend,’ about the ‘experts’ suggesting how many we need to be happy, about when a friendship is officially over. I have asked whether the love we have for certain friends is really that different to romantic love. Or is there just love…with it’s many differing characteristics.
It is a theme so rich with potential for writers, isn’t it?
Let me leave you with a few quotes:
“Courage. Kindness. Friendship. Character. These are the qualities that define us as human beings, and propel us, on occasion, to greatness.”
― R.J. Palacio, Wonder
“We should meet in another life, we should meet in air, me and you.”
― Sylvia Plath
“Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.
"Pooh!" he whispered.
"Yes, Piglet?"
"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw. "I just wanted to be sure of you.”
― A.A. Milne, The House at Pooh Corner
Yes it would appear that I am now quoting Winnie-the-pooh on a weekly basis. I’m not sure why. But seriously, “I just wanted to be sure of you.” Can you hear my satisfied sigh?
Your writing prompt for this week:
Write a poem about lost friendship.
This could be any style of poem on any different aspect of friendship lost but if you find this a little narrow or the whisp of an idea arrives on anything at all to do with friendship then do chase it. I’m certain this won’t be the last time that we head in this direction either way.
Until Friday friends (see what I did there?!)
Nelly x
Got to admit Nelly when you posted this I cursed you. As an autist friendships have always been painful and disappointing and I initially wrote this.
*****
Friendship
Go the fuck away.
*****
But I have calmed my initial response and found something I can work with, but be prepared it will be vitriolic.
I read this fantastic post while lounging in my hammock, then put down my phone and pondered the prompt of "lost friendships" while gazing into the blue and white sky. A few friends came to mind that have been lost to time, to the miles between us, to life moving too fast for us to catch up. No bad blood, just so much space you get lost in it. One friend in particular rose to mind - and literally, She Called Me Right Then! She's been traveling, bought a house in another state, and we haven't spoken in about 10 months - but she is now in town for a few weeks and thought to call while driving. We chatted for 30 minutes and set a date to get together soon.
Thank you, Nelly Bryce, for this prompt as it allowed my focused energy to go out into the world, reaching through space and time, to connect with my lost friend's soul. From lost to found. Thank you.